Vyhľadávanie
THE BLACK SHEEP
(Extract)
PART 2
Situation twelve
The headmaster is sitting at the table as if in an interrogation room, the teachers are glancing inquiringly at each other, because they don't yet know what is going on. A writing desk has appeared in the staff room, at which the caretaker sits looking important. They all realise that something exceptional has happened.
LOVÁSKO Colleagues, comrades, I regret that such a pleasant and important day as our Teachers' Day has suddenly changed into something unexpected and, I should say here and now, dishonourable. A little while ago I opened this letter, which was addressed to the school, to our school as a whole, and in the letter there was something particularly rude, malicious and alarming.
CARETAKER That our headmaster is a hypocrite and womaniser.
LOVÁSKO There was no need to quote, Mr. Kollár, but, very well, it's out now. At least we needn't beat about the bush.
ŠPÁNIK On my own behalf, and on behalf of our Trade Union committee, I protest most energetically against the libellous content of the letter and against whoever wrote it. Oh, and by the way, who wrote it?
LOVÁSKO (shows the staff the letter, whose text is cut out of newspapers and magazines). Anonymous, ladies and gentlemen, written by Mr. Anonymous himself.
FEKETE And just today, on such a special day. What a good thing there’s nobody here from the district committee. They might even have believed it was true.
JANA The person who wrote it can't have been normal. A normal, respectable person puts his signature under what he writes.
LOVÁSKO It's not entirely without a signature. There is a certain - indirect signature: A first-hand observer.
JANA It's terrible what people we have among us nowadays! Makes you want to dig a hole deep in the ground to hide from them.
MILAN And what else is written there?
LOVÁSKO In a nutshell, what our caretaker hinted at.
CARETAKER That our head, Comrade Lovásko, is a hypocrite and womaniser.
ŠPÁNIK As far as the Trade Union is concerned, I suggest we immediately set up a committee to investigate the matter. It looks as if we'll be kept busy here for a while yet. It's a matter of honour for all of us, don't you think?
OĽGA I really don't know whether there's any need to deal with it. We know it's not true and so we ought to rise above it, don't you think?
DARINA On behalf of the youngest ones, the whole of our youth group, as well as on my own behalf, I protest most energetically, directly, responsibly… something of the kind. But now, Mr. Kollár, you can simply put on another tape and we can go on as before.
FEKETE We can't go on as before! It's an insult to a person's honour. This time it's happened to our comrade, Doctor Lovásko, next time it could be any one of us. The anonymous writer never sleeps, but is always eavesdropping.
OĽGA But you have to expect that if you live among people, that is, that you are not living only among decent people.
ŠPÁNIK As far as the Trade Union is concerned, we are definitely on the side of the headmaster. After all, there is a resolution on that topic, I can't tell you the number and year at the moment, but it does exist.
LOVÁSKO Thank you for your moral support and your efforts to find a positive and constructive solution. Above all, it's necessary to bring the matter to a close. Here, between these four walls. Not everything that happens in a family is pleasant. Every family has its black sheep. It's just a question of finding it in the pen and driving it out from among us. And we shall find it today, because that black sheep is among us, it's here, watching us, smiling, laughing at us, it is observing me, but you, too, at first-hand, with its little black mind and its sleazy anonymous hand.
CARETAKER 'Ol o' you'll now go t' yer rooms and you'll come 'ere one by one when yer called. I've bin trusted wi' the job 'v seein' the 'vestigation goes as it should. That means only those that bin prop'ly called will come 'ere. But you c'n take the demijohn and glasses wi' you, we won't be 'vestigating that.
ŠPÁNIK I'd be interested to know what dunderhead gave you that job.
LOVÁSKO (looks severely at the deputy head).
ŠPÁNIK But I'm not really that interested…
(The teachers leave, Milan takes the demijohn and the women the glasses.)
Situation thirteen
LOVÁSKO Listen here, Mr. Kollár, you must know about everything that goes on in this school of ours?
CARETAKER I do. And what I don't, my folk tells me.
LOVÁSKO And who are your folk?
CARETAKER Look 'ere, sir, we all 'av a secrit of some kind.
LOVÁSKO You'll probably have to tell me, Mr. Kollár.
CARETAKER I 'av t' 'av eyes in the back of me 'hed.
LOVÁSKO Even where you don't need to?
CARETAKER Ev'rywhere, you need to ev'rywhere. And what I see, I remember. And what I can't remember, I write down. I've got ev'rythin' written down. Take a look 'ere, this is my notebook. F'r example 'ere, 3rd January. Slovak teacher, Jana, said: What's the matter with our trade? Some people ought to be locked up. Or here, 8th January. Can't read that out. I's the one who said it… Or here, 13th January, 10.30 a.m. Teacher Oľga said: in this country everyone tries to find an allegory in everything… I didn' know what t'was, but now I does. It's a wonder no one has yet criticised the weather forecaster for saying low pressure is approaching from the west.
LOVÁSKO What do you do with it, Mr. Kollár?
CARETAKER I 'valuate it - and what's necessary. You know, Comrade 'eadmaster, everyone should 'av some useful 'obby, shouldn't they?
LOVÁSKO No doubt. By the way, is there any reference to me in your notebook?
CARETAKER Both direct an' indirect. First the direct. 12th Febr'y. Youth leader Darina comes out of the big teacher's room all red in t' face and in answer to my question 'bout the bangin' goin' on in there, says, I quote: The head and I have just been exchanging experience. Well, I dunno wha' you was eshchangin', but one thing's certain, that during that eshchange, she didn' find time to do up some buttons.
LOVÁSKO You're talking about a certain reference which, as I'm sure you'd agree, we can, but we don't have to accept. But, very well. You have a notebook, you have a hobby which, as it seems, is socially necessary. There is an interesting signature on this anonymous letter. Just as you said a while ago: A first-hand observer.
CARETAKER You don' do me justice, Comrade Lovásko. I'm no Cheap Jo. I never sink so low as not to sign my name. When I report summin', I's willin' to stand by it. And, then, I'd have written the 'ole address and posted it in town, that's 'ow 'tis done. And in the text I'd certainly 'av expanded on that word hypocrite, and on womaniser, too. This was from a real amateur.
LOVÁSKO You've … this… for a long time?
CARETAKER I've seen seven 'eadmasters come and go, you're the eighth. Doesn't that tell you somethin'?
LOVÁSKO They all had similar faults?
CARETAKER We've all got our weak sides.
LOVÁSKO You have to have an inborn inclination for it, don't you think?
CARETAKER Work's work. The main thing is you should enjoy it.
LOVÁSKO Who could have written it, do you think? Drawing on your long years of experience…
CARETAKER That's difficult, I wasn't in on this from the beginning.
LOVÁSKO You could help me with it. Or I you.
CARETAKER Pref'rably I you, I've more experience with this.
LOVÁSKO We could begin with old Fekete, don't you think?
CARETAKER Fekete? On Women's Day, when he was in the loos wi' the P.E. instructor, he says: (Reads from his notebook.) Next June I'm goin' to retire and then the whole school system can kiss my ass.
LOVÁSKO Interesting information, Mr. Kollár.
CARETAKER 'Specially from the point of view of the content.
LOVÁSKO Let's hope we don't have to pension him off earlier than he expects.
CARETAKER It's you who said that - not me. (Goes to fetch Fekete.)
Situation fourteen
FEKETE (enters with the caretaker). I hope you don't think I'd be capable of… I just teach my lessons and go home.
LOVÁSKO And what do you do in the evenings, colleague? We know nothing about your evenings. You don't, by any chance, write letters to someone?
FEKETE I don't write anything, Comrade Lovásko. I'm suspicious of anyone who does. They're usually stealing other people's thoughts. I just sit and wait. When there's a war film on the telly, I open a bottle of beer and take out my writing pad and pencil. I'm planning something like that this evening, too.
LOVÁSKO So you're going to take out your pad again today, and you're going to write again.
FEKETE You see, if they make any mistakes in the film, I jot them down. And there are plenty of them. The wrong uniforms, inappropriate arms and aeroplanes …
LOVÁSKO What do you do with your notes, colleague?
FEKETE I sent them to the television or film company. They shouldn't imagine they're such experts and that we're so stupid! They rarely reply, though. But even so, I write to them regularly.
LOVÁSKO So you write regularly. And didn't you mistake the address last time? Didn't you write to the school instead of the film company?
FEKETE But first I'd have had to know what I've learned only now from our caretaker, that is, that…
CARETAKER That the 'ead is a hypocrite and womaniser.
FEKETE I would never dream of writing that. Even if it were true.
LOVÁSKO But it isn't written, Fekete, it is cut out, you see. It's an old trick, in case you didn't know, at least as old as you. The anonymous writer has taken a couple of magazines and cut these deplorable letters out of it.
FEKETE Do you mind? Cut out letters? I couldn't possibly do such a thing. My hands shake. And then I'm short-sighted and half deaf.
LOVÁSKO A deaf person could cut them out.
FEKETE That's true. That is - it could be true now I come to think about it. But I don't stick my nose into anything. Here at school you can have it off from morning to night, if you don't mind me saying so. I shall cross my fingers for you, or for any other such enterprising person. I mean - in the hope no one finds out what they shouldn't. And if I happened, heaven forbid, to catch you at it, I'd say with humour: good luck, or something of the kind. I already have that tricky stage of life behind me, although, I admit, relatively unsuccessfully.
LOVÁSKO But you've still got enough energy to thrash Berec's son with a ruler. Those are the old practices of the old school, colleague.
FEKETE You have new methods, I know, but if you'll allow me to say so, they don't seem very effective. When I watch the police reports, I have the impression we just don't exist. That, however, is what I think at home. Here at school, of course, I don't agree with that opinion.
LOVÁSKO You set up the co-operatives, you were a member of the national committee, for years you led an atheist club, but just to be on the safe side, you also appear in church, for example on Christmas Eve.
FEKETE With so many merits, you have to have some weaknesses. You can see that in your own case.
LOVÁSKO Listen, Fekete, you want to be good on earth and in heaven as well. That just isn't possible. They mightn't like it, either up there or here on earth.
FEKETE To tell the truth, I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of those on earth. After all, I've always tried to get along with them. If you'll allow me, I'll settle it with those in heaven somehow or other. By the way, a little voice tells me…
LOVÁSKO They're probably listening to you in heaven.
FEKETE Very witty. What I wanted to say was, what if it was Berec who sent that letter to the school? He knows how to write, he used to work for the district national committee. Then, if you'll allow me to say so, they gave him the boot and now he is looking for all kinds of dishonest ways of getting back in again. That Berec is particularly suspicious!
LOVÁSKO It can't be him. How would he know I'm a… No, it wasn't him.
FEKETE Now, now, Comrade Lovásko. We know better. He lives in the block of police flats, and then, he's trying to improve his profile…
LOVÁSKO You can go, Fekete. We won't need you any longer.
FEKETE Maybe you will, comrade. Your father, if I'm not mistaken, is just my age and he is also going to retire.
LOVÁSKO What has my father got to do with it?
FEKETE An indirect connection, if you'd like to know. Your father comes from Central Slovakia, doesn't he?
LOVÁSKO From Brezno.
FEKETE (jots this down in a small notebook).That's all right, that's perfectly all right, that's all I wanted to know. Send him to see me some time. The sooner the better. Look here, dear colleague, it's better to retire with a certain paper than without it.
LOVÁSKO But he didn't take part in the war. He was at home in bed then, a tree in the forest crushed his shoulder blades half a year before the war broke out.
FEKETE Look here, there were a lot of people who weren't - but were. Some of them weren't even there in spirit, but on paper they were there in body, too. Now it's not a question of who was or was not there, now it's just a question of - tying up the matter.
LOVÁSKO You… tie it up?
FEKETE I myself. I've got the rubber stamp, too. However, if I left the school, I would have to hand it over to someone younger.
LOVÁSKO Younger?
FEKETE You know how it is, comrade, people get older, but the rubber stamp remains.
LOVÁSKO Thank you, colleague, I'll come and see you some time. I might bring my father.
FEKETE Please let me know beforehand, we'd clean and the like. Is there anything I should sign?
LOVÁSKO No need, colleague.
CARETAKER Not until the record's complete. Fekete, call in the next person and for the moment stay in yer room 'til the 'ole business is over.
(Fekete goes out.)
Translated by Heather Trebatická
