Excerpt

Humour for me is the way I express myself: some good advice for critics

Do not maintain personal contact with us. It weakens critical thinking.

Come to terms with the fact that we can't stand you. Globally or individually.

Don't believe us if we say that criticism devoted to us helps us in our work.

Don't write under pseudonyms. That won't do you any good.

Don't send us greetings from abroad.

Keep your phone numbers to yourselves.

Insult us in standard literary language.

Try also to write about what you like. That's more difficult.

Do not make notes during the performance. We get irritated.

Don't expect us to praise you to the heights. That is what we expect from you.

Grit your teeth and applaud after the performance. We can see you.

Write about what you saw and not about what you would have liked to see.

Be better educated than we are. That shouldn't be much of a problem.

Don't advertise the fact that you're better educated than we are. We can work that out for ourselves.

Like us. In future we'll be better.

 

Translated by John Minahane